How to make sushi … like a bad-ass hipster!

Sushi. One of the most popular foods in the world. Not to mention one of the hippest. In fact, it was probably the most fashionable food on the planet … was, that is, until the cool kids turned to something called veganism and it went down a few notches on the cred scale.

Nooooo worries – this blog is going to single-handedly make sushi the coolest thing around again – by telling you, the hippest person out there, how to make it.

We unlock the secrets …. Sushi Secrets

It’s really easy … mostly. But no one needs to know that (apart from you, obviously).

There’s only one difficult part (and this is pivotal). For the benefit of friends you casually invite over for a home-made sushi night, it is critical that you act cool when serving the finished product to them.  

What you have to do is act like you achieved it without raising a sweat – by acting all insouciant and saying “whatever” a lot – but simultaneously implying that mere mortals normally sweat blood over the intricacies of this stuff. Remember, be cool. Trust us, you’ll have a whale of a time, diggity.

Saying things like “yeah, I spent a few months in training with a Japanese Sushi Master learning my craft” will sell it plenty. If your clothes have any food prep on them, make sure you change into something appropriately clean and hip – maybe converse sneakers, skinny jeans and any pair of thick-framed glasses that happen to be lying around.

How to make sushi rolls

It’s totes easy and you can basically fill it with anything you like. Depending on your taste and the availability of left-overs. And whether you want your stomach pumped or not.

Aside from the fillings, the following are essentials:

• Something to help you roll the sushi up (normally a bamboo mat).

Okay, so a bamboo mat might be a little hard to find – unless you have a specialty Japanese grocery store nearby. Or you live in Japan.

Here’s a tip – if you flat-out couldn’t be bothered to go out and get one for the purposes of a one-off Sushi-session, a (clean) tea-towel is a perfectly adequate replacement.

• Nori.

Edible seaweed, it comes in paper-like sheets. This is the stuff you roll up the sushi in. An amazingly healthy substance, should be available in the International Aisles (somewhere down from Vegemite) of the supermarket.

• Sushi rice.

A Japanese white-hulled sushi rice, typically short grain while sticky and slightly sweet. Again, should be available in the International section of a good supermarket. Long-grain rice (such as Basmati) won’t work because they won’t be able to bind everything together. Damn!

Method:

Okay, roll up your sleeves – and let’s get jiggy.

1.First, prepare your rice.

This will appear to be lot of hassle over rice, but sushi rice needs a little bit more care and attention than the conventional variety … and it’s relatively easy once you get the handle of it. Stop whinging! – it isn’t cool!

a. Reliable sources are telling me to rinse and soak the rice. Otherwise you’ll die of food poisoning or something. Whatever.

One you’ve measured out the rice (approximately one cup of rice for two to three rolls – but hey, make too much rather too little), sling it into a large bowl or pot, pouring in a lot of cold water to keep it company. Mix it up using your “clean” hands, until all dirt and starch particles have gone into the water. Drain that gunky water from the bowl.

b. Next, we get into cooking it all up.  Put the rice into a pot with just a little bit more water than rice. About 10% more rice if we’re being picky. Cooking should be on high-heat until the water boils – then lower to heat to minimum for ‘bout 5 minutes, making sure to keep stirring lest the stuff on the bottom burn.

c. Take out the rice. Only use a wooden spoon (a metal one will damage it!), and if you find yourself having to scrape it out – it’s no good and burnt beyond repair.

d. Seasoning. Another bit that it’s important not to overlook. This will involve you cooking up a seasoning mixture on the side.

For every 3 cups of rice you need to season, you will need half a cup of rice vinegar, two teaspoons of salt and two tablespoons of sugar. Mix it up in a saucepan – using medium heat to mix everything in goooooood. Then pour that mixture into the rice, slowly and carefully – then let the rice cool down. Goooooood.

2. Grab a hold of your Nori and start rolling like a pimp daddy.

Let’s just clarify that there are two sides of the Nori – one that’ll be a little bit rough, the other side smoother. The Nori should be placed on the rolling mat (or tea-towel) with the rough side heaven-wards. By that we mean upwards.

a. Get your hands wet for use with the rice. Grab a clump of rice – then plop it onto your seaweed, spreading it around evenly. Leave a margin of about 1 or 2 cm on one edge. These margins will be used to eventually close the sushi.

b. Grab some filling – veggies, chicken, seafood, whatever. Make sure whatever it is, it’s in longish strips you can lay lengthways and therefore roll up. Don’t overpack now! It ain’t cool to have sushi filling falling out all over the place and disgracing itself.

c. Then it’s a question of getting rolling – carefully maintaining even pressure, without smooshing it or pushing the innards outta the ends. Obviously, you do want to get the mat caught up within the sushi – so keep pulling it back to keep it outta there.

 

d. Stop rolling when about an inch of the nori remains. Put a little water along this strip – then pull it up and over the sushi roll, sealing all the goodness in.

3. Serve and act cool.

And that’s where we’re gonna leave it – because we’re all like whatever. 

Richie Black
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Richie Black

I'm Richie and I enjoy cricket, writing, music, sending terse 'reply all' emails and tuna sandwiches. Blessed by a surplus of talents, my cooking style is best described as 'relaxed'. Ask me about the secret to the perfect hotpot (wine), and the best way to cure a hangover (hotpot). Google+

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